Crawl. Walk. Run

Thank you for joining us on this podcast, Unencumbered, aligning with the heartbeat of Jesus. Today we are going to piggy back off of the last episode, my Dad's the strongest and talk about how to crawl, walk and run.

There is nothing you cannot get through! This is a common thread you will hear on this podcast because it is a common theme God has walked me through in my life, particularly in the last decade. He reminds me constantly that I am not alone nor do I need to lean on my own understanding on how to move forward.

As I shared on the last podcast, I had people in my life telling me all of the same things that were already running through my head. The last thing in needed when my husband pass were these negative, hopeless words that the enemy was shoveling in my ear at record pace.

My dear friend who I had known for 30 years told me, "Hopefully you will be able to scrape together some assemblance of a life for yourself without Bill." I got off the phone so defeated. I was in tears. These words, from my very best friend, no less, echoed the mantra that was ringing in my head since Bill's homegoing.

Then I got upset! Not upset at the situation or the loss of my beloved husband but upset with my friend. She absolutely marginalized me. She knew me better than that! I called her back and said, you listen to me sister, you have known me for 30 years. I was fine before Bill; I will be fine after Bill because I am a daughter of God.

I had no idea how I was going to be okay. I just knew, somewhere deep in my knower, as one of my old pastors used to say. I also knew I was not going to wear this banner. This banner of victim. Banner of less than just because my husband was no longer with me. Let me interject here. All of the terrible things people told me and they said some awful things. They said, it was my fault he died because I did not have enough faith, they said he died because he did not love me enough to stay with me. Someone even told me they knew exactly what I was going through because they just had to put their dog down. Through the process of healing, I now know they said all of those lousy things out of their own hurt, their own experiences, what they thought of themselves, the spirit they operated under and in.

As I also shared, I did not know what to do after Bill went home to heaven, but I did know that I needed to move forward. Even if an army crawl. I knew I had to keep going. That where I was, was not my final resting place. Partially because even though it did not look like it, I knew God had more for me. And partially because I knew if I stopped, I would sink. I had to muster enough strength just to move forward, I knew I did not have enough to fight my way back to just get back to even ground and then make forward motion. So, I kept moving.

I crawled. But it was forward motion, nonetheless. I did it in tears. In gut wrenching, how am I still alive, the pain is so immense, tears. Psalms 56:8 tells us that God keeps track of our sorrows and collected all of my tears in His bottle and records each one in His book. In that case, I have an entire library of my own and vats and vats of tears, enough to fill an ocean. When I get to heaven, I would like to see them. Not to relive each one but to thank Jesus that He was there with each tear, in each tear. Comforting me. Holding me. Healing my soul. Telling me, unequivocally. it was going to be okay. Trust Him.

And I crawled. And it was okay. And from time to time, I begun to stand up. And I would take a step or two and I would crumble into a heap of Heidi at the foot of Jesus. He wraps me in His arms and tells me He is here with me. He whispered to me that I have everything I need in Him to get through the next minute. And I have everything I need in Him for the minute after that. And the hour after that.

It was a process, just like anything. But we can never give up! We must never give up! We have so much ahead of us.

Have you ever seen a small child try to climb up on a chair? They pull themselves up and hold on to the rungs of the back of the chair. They start to lift their one little leg up and they grunt and groan, furrowing their brow to muster the strength to get that leg up. And they switch sides, trying the other leg - still filled with grunts and sounds that akin to a weightlifter at a worldwide competition. But they never give up.

That is what we must do. We must be like that small child. We must have that tenacity. That drive. That determination. And that willingness to keep going.

You have to take the stand that you are determined. Determine to be determined. Determine to keep going. Determine to thrive. Determine to learn everything God has for you in this moment.

Someone or somethings final resting place should not be our final resting place. God still has things for you. It does not matter what you are going through, what you have gone through or what you will go through - the loss of a loved one, the loss of a dream, of a marriage, of a friendship, of a business, a bad report from the doctor. Whatever it is, THIS is not your final resting place.

Keep going! Keep moving forward!

In all of that, though. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself grace. As I noted earlier, there were times in the midst of my crawl when I felt just strong enough to take a step. And I would, only to fall again. Thats okay. If a small child is learning how to walk do they take a step, only to fall and then sit there, saying self-deprecating things? I'll never be able to walk. I suck! That's it - I give up! It's too hard! NO! They crawl a few more times and try again.

Decide right now to grant yourself the grace you need, needed or will need in that moment.

What do the people around that small child do? They are so excited to see them even try. They cheer them on! It's as if they are the best walker in the world. Great job! That's it! You're doing it! I image God is the same with us. Come on! You can do it! That's it! And when we do fall again, and we will. He doesn't throw in the towel. Welp, I gave them the chance and they are obviously never going to walk - they are useless. I imagine He and the angels celebrate with us! Did you see that! Great job! You are doing amazing! I'm right here! Come on, try it again!

And then we take more steps than we do crawls. Before long, we are not crawling at all. And our steps become more sure. And we begin to run. We fall and that is okay. Jesus is right there with you, cheering you on. You can do it. It's okay. You are doing great. And you fall. And He cheers you on, picks you up, gives you a big hug and tells you how proud He is of you.

Have the grace with yourself that God has with you, His child. Like we do with our little ones.

This thing, whatever you are going through, is new. Crawl. Walk. Run. But continue to move forward! Don't sink. Most importantly, realize that you are not alone. Jesus is right there. He will never leave you or forsake you. Holy Spirit will give you wisdom and you are already stronger than you know.

As someone who has walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and never thought that I would be able to move forward, I am holding you up as capable. You CAN do this! Do not limit yourself! Do not allow yourself to be limited! You do not have to wear whatever banner society has put on you. Toss off that banner and walk in who God says you are! You are a victor! You are an overcomer! There is nothing you cannot get through.

One step at a time. Imagine Jesus is right there cheering you on. Come on! You can do it! I know it is hard! I know it hurts! You can do it! You are doing it! Keep going! I am right here with you! Reach! You've got this! Keep going! Just a few more steps! I am here! You are not alone. You've got what it takes. I have given you what you need for this moment!

When we need to rest, we can, leaning against the chest of Jesus and listening to His heartbeat. We need to be so close to Him that we can hear His heartbeat. Before long, the hurt will begin to fade. His desires become ours. His love becomes ours. His compassion becomes ours. His love for others becomes ours. That is when we know we have aligned to the heartbeat of Jesus.

Move forward. Crawl. Then walk. And then run. Run the good race! And when it is over you will hear, well done, my good and faithful servant! That is who you are - you are good and you are faithful. You can do this! You are doing great!